WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything.

Rated PG-13

Song by Roman Keating on the Notting Hill soundtrack.

It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark.

Chakotay was contemplating the stars through the messhall viewports. At the touch of her hand on his arm, he turned knowing he’d find her. Kathryn. He looked at her and watched the expressions cross her face. Her eyes were always so expressive. Concern. Fear. Sorrow and sympathy, but never the one he searched for. Never love. "Kathryn, what are you doing here?" His voice was full of his pain and his confusion.

She smiled. Just that. Just watching him and waiting.

"How did you know?" He sighed and accepted that she knew what he was feeling.

"Chakotay, I’ve watched your face for seven years. I know when you are hurting, and when you need a friend."

"No Kathryn. I don’t need a friend. I need more and I don’t know what to do about it anymore." His shoulders slumped as he finally faced the truth of his pain with her.

Kathryn had known. She had seen the tension growing in Chakotay since the ship had been through the temporal fracturing. Whatever he was hiding behind his non-answer of "the Temporal Prime Directive" was tearing him apart.

"Tell me what you do need Chakotay. Let me understand. I want to help you." Kathryn’s hand moved from his arm to his hand, gripping it tightly. "I know it’s because of something that happened during the time distortion, and you have to share it with me." At his continued silence she added, "Don’t force me to make it an order Chakotay."

He looked up. He knew from her voice that this was Kathryn not the Captain talking and that she wanted it to stay that way. His resolve faltered. "Kathryn."

He gripped both of her hands now and from the tightness of his hold she could feel his conflict.

She moved closer and looked up at his face. He could never hide his emotions when they were this overwhelming. His usual silence covered up so much. Chakotay wrapped it around himself, hiding his feelings from so many with this stillness.

She wasn’t sure what it was going to take to open him up, but she’d be damned if she would let any Directive drive him to this. "Chakotay!" Her voice was urgent with demand.

Meeting her eyes, he studied her face.

Seeing his searching look she tried to meet it with an openness that she normally wouldn’t allow herself. She smiled and showed him that she cared.

He looked into her eyes and pulled her close with their joined hands. "Kathryn, I need to tell you about what happened to me..."

Kathryn and Chakotay were now seated under the viewports in her quarters. The silence that had fallen after he had finished telling her everything about the temporal fracturing of Voyager was loud.

Finally, she looked up from their joined hands. "You..." she started and stopped in confusion.

He met her eyes, finally at peace again.

"I knew when I told you that ‘there were boundaries we never crossed’, that I wasn’t satisfied with that answer anymore. It couldn’t be enough, not for me. I’ve always told myself that I would be patient and never push you Kathryn, and I’ve tried. Now, I have come to the point that I have to ask you what your feeling for me are."

Panic filled her. She had certainly not seen this coming! Looking up from her contemplation of their joined hands she met his eyes. "I don’t..." panic choked her.

She jumped up and started to pace. She looked back at him as he sighed, and saw his head bow in resignation.

"Chakotay, I just don’t know if I can..." she said as she took a step towards him.

He gazed at her face sadly. "I know Kathryn, but it’s not enough for either of us. Attraction, flirtation, private dinners and attending parties together. None of it is enough anymore." He stood up and approached her. Standing there he looked into her eyes. "Tell me you don’t love me Kathryn and I’ll never bring this up between us again."

She made a strangled sound in her throat as she stared, mesmerized by his eyes. Her hand rose, reaching out towards him but stopped, hesitating.

He turned and started walking toward the door.

"Chakotay!" The sheer urgency in her voice halted him, but he pushed away hope. "Please."

Not turning he said, "Please what Kathryn. Please let things stay the same? Please let’s just be friends? Or please don’t go?" His voice grew harsher with every question.

"Please...turn around."

Slowly, he turned to look at her.

She started to smile. Her hand came up and stretched out to him. "Please stay. Please don’t ever leave. Please...just love me and let me love you."

He took an involuntary step forwards. "Do...do you mean it Kathryn. I don’t want to hide this anymore. I won’t accept anything less than all of you. The good and the bad."

She took a step forward. "I think the bad is behind us now Chakotay."

He took her hand and pulled her close, and for both of them, this was the home they’d been searching for. The Maquis, the Captain, and forever.

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