Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything but I doubt they want this.
Rated PG-13
Based upon George Michael's song Jesus to a child
My Love
Kindness, in your eyes,
I guess you heard me cry
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.
He remembered leaning over her crying, and holding her hand.
He remembered begging her to hold on for just a little while longer.
He remembered how sweetly she smiled at him.
I'm blessed, I know, heaven sent, heaven stole
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.
And what have I learned from all this pain
I thought I'd never feel the same about anyone, or anything again.
He remembered her gripping his hand.
He remembered the despair in Tom Paris' voice.
He remembered telling her how much he loved her.
But now I know, when you find love, when you know it exists,
Then the lover that you miss, will come to you on those cold, cold nights.
When you've been loved, when you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed, will comfort you when there's no hope in sight.
He remembered the lone tear that leaked from the corner of her eye.
He remembered telling her they would never be apart again.
He remembered leaning over her to kiss her softly.
Sadness in my eyes, no one guessed, no one tried.
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child
Loveless and cold
With your breath, you saved my soul
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.
He remembered telling her how much every day with her meant to him.
He remembered her telling him she loved him.
He remembered yelling wildly at the Doctor to do something...to do anything.
And what have I learned from all these tears,
I've waited for you all those years
And just when it began, you took your love away.
He remembered feeling her hand go limp.
He remembered the cry of the monitors.
He remembered the Doctor ordering him out of the sickbay.
But I still say when you find love, when you know it exists
Then the lover that you miss, will come to you on those cold, cold nights.
When you've been loved when you know it holds such bliss
The lover that you kissed, will comfort you when there's no hope in sight.
He remembered the condolences of his friends.
He remembered the ceremony saying goodbye to her.
He remembered taking command of her ship.
So the words you could not say, I sing them for you.
And the love we would have made, I'll make it for two.
For every single memory has become a part of me.
You will always be.... My love.
He remembered moving into her quarters.
He remembered sleeping in her bed, alone where he always imagined them together.
He remembered the dream of being with her, talking and making love.
Well I've been loved, so I know just what love is,
And the lover that I kissed is always by my side.
Oh the lover I still miss was Jesus to a child.
He awoke feeling her there.
He knew he would never be alone again.
"Voyager, we have a medical emergency. Beam us directly to sickbay. The Captain has been injured." Tom's voice was frantic.
Chakotay turned and yelled at Harry, "Get them out of there. You have the bridge, maintain red alert," before jumping into the turbolift.
He ran down the hall and into sickbay. Kathryn was lying on a biobed. She was very pale and only too conscious. Her chest and legs were covered in wounds and her uniform was soaked in blood. He took her hand and called her name.
Kathryn opened her eyes, "Chakotay." Her voice was weak. "The away team..."
He knew what she wanted to know. "We got everyone out Kathryn, you seem to have taken the worst of it."
She smiled. "Good."
He felt his chest constricting. "Kathryn, damn it, when are you going to remember, it's my job to take care of you. It should have been me on that away mission, not you."
She smiled again, "Mollycoddle me if I let you." Her voice was ragged.
"Just hold on Kathryn," He gripped her hand even tighter.
I'm blessed, I know, heaven sent, heaven stole
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.
And what have I learned from all this pain
I thought I'd never feel the same about anyone, or anything again.
The Doctor had a worried look on his face and Chakotay watched as he injected Kathryn with another hypospray and frowned at the readings from his tricorder.
"What is it?" He asked impatiently.
"The creatures that swarmed the away team injected her with some kind of anticoagulant which is quite venomous. Her body is not responding to treatment."
"What are you saying, Doctor. Can't you modify the treatment?" His voice was terse with his fear.
"I am trying Commander, if you will just let me work."
"Chakotay," Kathryn said weakly.
He had thought she was unconscious. Leaning over her, "Kathryn I'm here, you'll be all right."
But now I know, when you find love, when you know it exists,
Then the lover that you miss, will come to you on those cold, cold nights.
When you've been loved, when you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed will comfort you when there's no hope in sight.
"Chakotay, I heard the Doctor." She said.
"Kathryn just rest."
"No Chakotay, I need to tell you this." When he started to speak, she struggled to pull him closer. "Just listen. I never told you how much I loved you. I need for you to know that."
He swallowed his fear and leaned down to kiss her. "I knew Kathryn, it was in everything you said and in every touch. I love you too, but we can talk about this later."
She smiled. Then her eyes rolled back and her body started to convulse and monitors started screaming.
The Doctor ordered him to get out and started calling orders to Tom.
Sadness in my eyes, no one guessed, no one tried.
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child
Loveless and cold
With your breath, you saved my soul
You smiled at me like Jesus to a child.
Chakotay didn't know how he ended up in her ready room, but somehow this room gave him comfort. Maybe because of all of the hours they had spent there together. Maybe because her personality was so strongly stamped upon this place. He smiled at the pile of coffee cups and padd's that always littered her desk. He sat down there, in her chair.
"Great Spirit, there is one who needs your protection. Give her strength and bring her back to me." His shoulder's sagged as he faced the possibility of a life without Kathryn. He knew it would not be a life worth living.
And what have I learned from all these tears,
I've waited for you all those years
And just when it began, you took your love away.
He had wandered the decks like a lost soul until he was standing in front of the door to her quarters. Using his security override he entered. He went to her bedroom lay down on her bed, smelling her perfume on the pillows.
He felt a hard object under one of the pillows and pulled it out. It was a small picture, no bigger than his two hands. It was of him on New Earth and he was sand painting. He wondered how she had taken it without him knowing, and why it was here under her pillow. He hoped she had as many happy memories of New Earth as he had, and that they gave her as much comfort. He sometimes didn't know how he would have made it through the Delta quadrant without those memories of her to support him.
He just had one regret that Voyager's return had cost them their relationship.
But I still say when you find love, when you know it exists
Then the lover that you miss, will come to you on those cold, cold nights.
When you've been loved when you know it holds such bliss
The lover that you kissed will comfort you when there's no hope in sight.
He didn't know how to stand this wait. He knew that the Doctor or Tom would notify him as soon as there was news, and he didn't want to interrupt them while they worked. He paced her quarters and remembered. Sometimes he was amazed how much difference one person could make in your life. Kathryn had changed him from a Maquis rebel. That person was a stranger now, because that person didn't have Kathryn Janeway to love. Maybe that was what it all came down to, love.
So the words you could not say, I sing them for you.
And the love we would have made, I'll make it for two.
For every single memory has become a part of me.
You will always be.... My love.
Loving her was the most important thing in his life and he knew that no matter what happened she would always be a part of him because of that love.
"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay." The Doctors voice called over the comm. system.
"Chakotay here." He held his breath.
"The Captain is awake and asking for you, Commander. She is out of danger now."
He was on his way before the Doctor had finished his sentence.
His love was waiting.
Well I've been loved, so I know just what love is,
And the lover that I kissed is always by my side.
Oh the lover I still miss was Jesus to a child.
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