Disclaimer: Robbie said he would deny anything posted on the internet. That probably goes for Max and Lolita as well. But I heard it with my own two ears…


Convention Report, Melbourne, May 28th 2000

Robert (Robbie) Duncan McNeill, Max Grodenchik and Lolita Fatjo

I wasn’t going to go to this Convention. Honest. When Meg first told me it was happening - two days before the April Kate Mulgrew Con in Sydney - I told her and Amanda, ‘I’d love to go, but it’s the first weekend in Swotvac, and I have an essay due the next day. I just can’t.’

So after I was back in Melbourne, I was swapping stories with a friend who’d gone to Kate Mulgrew’s Melbourne Con, and who had already signed up for the RDM Con (and who was the person who got me into Star Trek in the first place!). ‘I’ll have no one to go with!’ she said, plaintively. ‘You have to come.’

‘But I’ve got an essay due the next day! And it’s my dratted property law essay, which is already giving me problems. I just can’t!’ ‘Yes you can. With decent time management, you can do anything.’ The conversation continued over a number of phone calls, one trip to Planet Hollywood and a screening of Galaxy-Quest.

Which was why, on a cold, dismal day late in May, I was in the car with Natalie on the way to the Carlton Crest Hotel (which I had mistakenly thought was in Carlton, near where I live. It’s not - it’s in Albert Park, on the other side of the city center.) By the way, my essay was done and only needed to be printed out. Natalie was right about time management.

Anyway, we got to the Carlton Crest, and I followed Natalie to where she said these conventions are usually held. It was deserted. Absolutely deserted. And ‘Holodiction Convention’ was not listed on the Convention noticeboard.

To be honest, I wasn’t that worried. I knew that if the Con had been cancelled, I would have received a phone call the day before - if not two phone calls! I mean, I got a phone call within ten minutes of Meg finding out that there would be a cocktail party after Kate’s Convention. The problem, obviously, was to FIND the convention. And let me tell you, it took a while. We started in the Lobby proper. Which meant walking past all the hotel patrons eating their breakfast in one of the hotel restaurants. The lobby was crowded. Really crowded. And most of the people weren’t there for the Convention - or at least not a Trek convention.

Eventually I found a sign that did say ‘Holodiction Convention’. The sign told us to go to the first floor. So we did. Another sign told us to walk down a hallway. So we did. And we came up against Maria and George and other Convention organisers who told us in no uncertain terms that we were NOT supposed to be there, and that we should go downstairs immediately. And it honestly isn’t worth trying to tell Maria that the hotel sent us the wrong way. (After only two other conventions, I already know this.) So we went down the stairs that they pointed us to - and came face to face with a sea of people. Now we were definitely in the right place. There were Voyager t-shirts and DS9 t-shirts and Red Dwarf/Next Gen t-shirts, and, basically, a whole lot of trekkers. No uniforms, though.

Being nice people, we went to the back of the group, and immediately began freezing to death because we were standing right next to one of those revolving doors that let in a blast of Arctic air every five seconds. Did I say that this particular weekend was the coldest May weekend on record? Well, it was. It was bl***y freezing!

While we were waiting to go back upstairs, one of the Holodiction people, in an attempt, I think, to keep us from complaining, told us about plans for a two and a half day Convention to be held next year, with six guests, all from Voyager. You know how news can ripple through a crowd? Well, that bit of news caused a Tsunami…especially when the guy said that all the hotels in Sydney had given Maria ridiculous quotes, so it would probably be in Melbourne. That bit of news certainly kept us all busy while we were waiting to go up - and then while we were in the line to buy photos. I ended up debating with others around me - people I’d never met - who were the possible six. We then got onto the topic of Unamatrix Zero, Jim Wright’s reviews, and which e-mail lists people were on. Natalie had ended up about eight places ahead of me in the line, so I just chatted to everyone around me…if I’m with people I know, I just don’t do that!

Arriving at the photo table at last, I got some really nice photos - I think the one I got of Robbie was a late fifth season or sixth season picture - Tom’s only wearing one pip. I also got a nice one of Max, and there was a really nice black and white of Lolita. I kicked myself later for not getting that one.

That done, I headed to the dealer’s room, on the off-chance that some of Meg’s friends from "Friends of Science Fiction" would be there - and they were! We chatted for a while, and they said that Meg had told them to look out for me, and to give me a good deal! I bought a Voyager poster from them - I’ve been wanting one for ages - then left them to make some money rather than just talk to me. I wandered around the rest of the dealer’s room - which was really a dealer’s corridor - but no one else had anything I really wanted to buy, so I went into the main room with Natalie to find our seats.

And, as usual, holding court on stage was Peter, the MC. Now, some people (including the people who were eventually sitting behind me) find him very annoying. I don’t - his jokes are bad, but he’s got a pretty thankless job, if you ask me - trying to keep hundreds of people interested when they’ve really come to see people who won’t appear on stage for another couple of hours. Not that that stopped me from heckling him - oh, no! I didn’t heckle as much as Meg did in April, but I had fun…and I think he worked out who I was, too! You see, I found out that Meg, at the Sydney Con the day before had, as usual, heckled. She had also told Peter that a friend of hers was going to the Melbourne Con. After I’d pointed out that his knowledge of the Muppets really wasn’t that good (don’t ask!) and he’d pointed out that knowing the Muppets that well was an indicator of age…Anyway, I think he recognised me from the Sydney Con, when I’d been doing a little bit of heckling along with Meg and Amanda and Sandy. Combine that with what Meg had told him…well, I think he worked it out!

So anyway, Peter was giving his update on which shows had been renewed for another US season and which hadn’t, answered questions on just why Australian TV treats Sci-Fi so shabbily (the eternal question for Australian Sci-Fi fans) and discussed the first episode of Farscape. Someone asked about it, but called it SeaScape - which provoked a lot of laughs and some extemporising about what SeaChange (another of my favourite programs) would be like as a Sci-Fi series. (Only Australians would get the joke.)

And then began the auction. My main conclusion from the auction is that some people are crazy. Someone bid eighty dollars for a signed black and white photo of William Shatner, and that didn’t even reach the reserve price. Then again, a signed photo of Kate Mulgrew went for sixty dollars, and that kind of sounded reasonable - as much as anything in a Convention auction goes for a reasonable price.

An actor’s script, containing each days rewrites of "The Voyager Conspiracy", and signed by Kate Mulgrew, opened bidding at $225. It eventually went for $525, and Peter told us that a similar item went for over $700 in Sydney the day before. A set of four really nice photos, all of Robbie with other Trek people, went for $160.

Did I buy anything? No - but I did bid on a couple of things. I almost bid on a signed photo of Garrett Wang, and I did bid on what Peter called the ‘Helmboy’ photo of Robbie. It went for thirty dollars. I also bid on a lovely photo of Paris and Chakotay. I had the bid at twenty-five, and Peter had said ‘going twice’…and then some idiot bid twenty-six dollars. It eventually went for thirty-five dollars.

By the time the auction was over we were running late, as usual. (They really shouldn’t have put ‘we do not anticipate the delays of the April Convention,’ on their brochures!) As a result, no lunch break, but we went straight into the guest talks. It turned out that I was sitting right near the door where the guests came in, so I’m hoping I got some good pictures!

Lolita Fatjo

Honestly, I think Lolita was the best speaker of the lot of them. She’s the Script-Coordinator for Voyager, had the same job for Deep Space Nine, and The Next Generation as well, I think. She’s been working at the Star Trek offices since 1987, which makes her a veteran in my eyes.

She began her talk by announcing that she was doing her best to drink every variety of beer in Australia in the four days she was here. At this point in proceedings Maria came in with a bottle of Crown Lager for her. Lolita also said that Robbie was trying to do the same thing, and that they both felt they were doing pretty well at it, but didn’t have a hope of succeeding as their plane left the next morning.

There was no logic in the order that the questions came, so I’ll try to organise the answers a little better than the audience managed.

Lolita joined the Star Trek staff at the end of the 1987 writers strike (which came close to crippling the start of the second season of TNG, so they used episodes which had been written for the second TOS series that never happened. That wasn’t Lolita’s comment, that’s my own addition of trivia!) At that time she was working as an actor, but she had been doing secretarial work during the strike. After the strike ended, she was offered three different jobs word processing - one at Paramount (she wouldn’t say where the other two were.) She already knew Jonathan Frakes and Patrick Stewart, and she’d decided that she really wanted to work at Paramount. But she didn’t want to look overly eager, so she asked what software was used in each position. The answer for Paramount was MS Word, and Lolita then said that she’d go there. When she arrived at work the next day, she was greeted with ‘So you’re the Word expert!’ Lolita says that she did her best acting job ever that day, then went home to phone a friend and beg them to teach her all about MS Word.

She talked a bit about DS9, and I didn’t take many notes then. But one interesting thing she spoke of was the final day’s filming of "What You Leave Behind…" (Another aside - what’s the bet that the final episode of Voyager will have a title that ends with ellipses? The last two have.) Anyway. The scene at "Vic’s" was the final scene to be filmed, and the club was meant to be packed. The extras in that scene were all the recurring characters who had been in prosthetic makeup - Jeffrey Combes, JG Hertzler, and Max Grodenchik were the ones she mentioned - and the entire writing team. Next time I see that episode, I’m going to look closely to see if I can find Lolita.

She also gave us some details (not many) on upcoming Trek projects. Firstly, there WILL be a new series; apparently the creators/executive producers are the B-team (my term, just made it up) of Brannon Braga and Rick Berman. It will begin shooting in the US Fall/Autumn - she said November, as soon as Voyager finishes shooting. This accords with what I read somewhere about the filming schedule being sped up so that Kate Mulgrew will be done before Christmas. Star Trek 10 - the new TNG movie, is slated to start shooting in March 2001.

Okay, on to the Voyager comments. She commented briefly on ‘Fury’, which I don’t think ANYONE had seen yet, though most people seemed to know what it was about. Lolita called it an ‘amazing’ episode, which was an interesting contrast to Kate Mulgrew’s absolute hatred of the episode. About the only other thing Lolita said was that Jennifer Lien did an incredible job, and that personally, she’d love to have Jennifer come back for another episode - after all, "No one EVER dies in Star Trek."

There was a mixed reaction over a number of questions Lolita asked us; Too much Borg? More people said no than said yes. (I said yes, way too much!) Too much Seven of Nine? Split on gender lines. Someone asked why Seven was used so much, and before Lolita had a chance to answer, a guy in the audience said, "two reasons." Quick as a flash, Lolita answered, "Are they both in front?" It was very funny. She did admit that Seven is "a bit" overused, and said that there will be a conscious effort next season to deal with all the characters.

She mentioned the Borg kids - but only four kids. I almost asked about the baby Borg, but she’d moved onto another topic. Someone else asked what had happened to Vorik - her answer; "You know, I’d really like to know the answer to that, too!" (Snide remark - she is the script co-ordinator. If anyone should know it would be her.) On other aspects of Continuity, she admits that they have gotten sloppy - in a recent episode they aged Tuvok 100 years the wrong way. She pleads the increased possibility for continuity errors when you have almost twenty-five seasons’ worth of data to keep in mind. I suppose this is reasonable, though if I can go hunting up details in an attempt to get things right in my stories, I personally expect TPTB and their underlings to at least TRY!

Harry’s promotion - or lack thereof - got a mention, Lolita saying that Garrett Wang is actively lobbying for Harry to get a promotion, and soon. (Having now read Jim’s review of UMZ, I can understand why!) Apparently, though the Borg will obviously have to be in the final season, there will be no more species 8472. They’re history.

Which leads me to the most amusing exchange of Lolita’s talk. A female audience member yelled out, ‘What about romance?’ Lolita’s answer? "What romance? This is Voyager you’re talking about.’ She then went on to comment that she felt it was a pity that romances were not being developed, as she felt that the romantic background stories on DS9 gave it a lot of appeal. (This is true - I couldn’t handle Dominion War week after week.) In response the woman who had initially asked the question yelled out "What about J/C?" "Yes, well," said Lolita, and went on to tell a story I’d never picked up anywhere else. According to her, the first draft of "Resolutions" had Kathryn and Chakotay getting together. "Like, really together," was Lolita’s comment. However, Rick Berman vetoed the draft, and it was re-written. (<Berman’s Stardate pic joins Braga’s on the dartboard.>) She actually sounded kind of sad. But she said that she ‘didn’t think’ any sort of canon J/C would be resurrected - which means TPTB were just toying with us in Unamatrix Zero I, drat them! The growing ‘thing’ between the EMH and Seven will continue, she told us, and she told us she’s interested to find out whether the Doc is, like Data, "fully functional"!

The final question was amusing; why has Chakotay become Janeway’s lapdog? Once Lolita (and the rest of us) stopped choking with laughter, she agreed that Chakotay’s character has been underdeveloped and that, "to be blunt, Chakkers has wimped out". The best explanation she could give us (and it sounds reasonable to me) was that it’s a legacy of the ‘Jeri (Taylor) vs Brannon’ changeover. Braga has a different approach to the show, and to him, Chakotay just isn’t an important character. As a result, Chakotay has become Janeway’s "lapdog". From the back of the room, over a microphone, came the comment, "Love will do that to you". Leave it to Peter to have the last word - and a J/C word at that!

Max Grodenchik

Max, being a DS9 person, spoke entirely about DS9, with one diversion to talk about Apollo 13 (one of my absolute favourite movies). If you want to skip this part of the report, feel free - but you can’t miss this first gem.

During his talk, Max recited two limericks that I’m assuming he wrote. I didn’t get the first one down, but this was the second one;

A Ferengi from Starfleet Academy

Said, "I hope Captain Sisko’s not mad at me.

My miscalibration

Blew up the station.

Now we’re unemployed Sunday through Saturday."

Okay, now you can skip down to what Robbie said. If you’ve stayed, thank you! I thought Max was quite funny, and I really enjoyed listening to him and his stories. Then again, Rom is my favourite Ferengi. Lolita stayed onstage with Max for a little while, mostly helping him put in his Ferengi teeth!

Max Grodenchick (and his teeth, which were making their first visit to Australia) has been with Trek since 1990, when he played his first Ferengi in ‘Captain’s Holiday’. His agent suggested Max go to the audition to read for the part of a Ferengi. Max’s reaction was "What’s a Feran-watsit?" He went away and asked his housemate (who happened to be a Science Fiction fan) about Ferengi, but thought that the description he received was too over the top, so he asked his brother - also a Sci-Fi fan. When he got the same sort of response from his brother, he decided what the heck, he’d go with it, and blame them. So after having read for the part of the Ferengi in Captain’s Holiday he said to the "suits" listening to him, "this is what my housemate and my brother told me a Ferengi was." One of the suits replied, "Can you give us their names? We might have a job for them!" They also had a job for Max. And so, the "teeth" were created. As Max commented, dental records would really be no good at all if the Ferengi from Captain’s Holiday, the Ferengi from The Perfect Mate, or Rom were ever in any type of accident, as all three Ferengi have the exact same teeth.

I’ll stop talking about the teeth soon, but just one more comment. It was really quite startling - as soon as Max had the top set of teeth in, he started sounding like Rom. Not all the way like Rom, but recognisable. Once the bottom set were in, it was definitely Rom up on stage - not just voice-wise, but character-wise as well. Max had a little trouble getting the teeth in - after a few minutes, Lolita declared them "good enough for a long shot, but not enough for a close up." A few minutes more - Lolita kept up some good chatter with the audience about Australian beer - and the teeth were ready for the ultimate test - Max/Rom let go with a long, "Mooooogie", and the crowd burst into applause. No doubt - those teeth were in and Rom was up on stage. At about this point, Lolita left.

Considering the production number the teeth had become, it was not surprising that the first question was about the prosthetic makeup, and whether Max had ever left the studio done up as Rom. Max himself said he hadn’t, but he told a marvellous story about Armin (Shimmerman, who plays Quark). On the day of the Martin Luther King Day earthquake in Los Angeles (I think it was in 1993 - I was in the States at the time, I know), Armin was having the finishing touches done to his makeup when the quake hit. (This was at about 5.30 am, I believe). The way Max tells it, there were some worrying reports coming in from the area where Armin lived, and as the phones were down, he couldn’t get in touch with his wife to check if she was all right. So, Armin, still done up as Quark, hops in his car and drives home. Now, in the US, if traffic lights are out, the rule is that the intersection becomes a four-way stop. (Which means you give way to anyone who got to the intersection before you did.) Armin comes driving up to a four-way stop, and there’s at least one car to go through before him. But the guy in that car takes one look at Armin/Quark, looks like he’s going to faint, and waves Armin through. Apparently it didn’t dawn on Armin what had just happened until he had trouble kissing his wife when he found her.

From what Max said, he and Armin get along great. They met when Max was sitting on the steps outside Paramount cursing himself for blowing his callback for the part of Quark. Armin came up to him and said "well, it’s obviously out of you and me - we’re the only two short people there." Armin, of course, got the job, but Rom first appeared in the third episode of the series, and has been there ever since. There was some evidence that the dynamic between Quark and Rom has spilt out into the dynamic between Armin and Max - earlier this year, there was a Screen Actors Guild strike planned, and Max was meant to be shooting a commercial the day before the strike kicked in. Armin, who is on the board of the SAG (hmm, Quark as a Union official - doesn’t work!) rang Max up to tell him not to allow the shooting to go after midnight, or all the SAG members would be strikebreakers. Max said that he responded, "Okaay, brother."

Max talked a bit about the role in Apollo 13, which he says he got because the Producer was a huge Trek fan, and the Producer’s kids were even huger Trek fans. Mostly he talked about the audition: people were auditioned two at a time, and the other person in Max’s audition had played a Bajoran-of-the-week on DS9. Ron got mixed up between the two CV’s, and asked this other guy about what it was like to wear all the prosthetic makeup, and the other guy made a big fuss about it. (Think about it - Bajoran, slight nose-job. Ferengi - total face reconstruction!) Max said he was sitting there trying to decide how to deal with it and not seem like he was trying to one-up the other guy. Then he decided, this was an audition, it was supposed to be competitive. Max never did say whether the other guy got a part as well.

I went back and watched Apollo 13 again last week (I watch it at least once or twice every holidays, and I still get emotional in those four minutes at the end) and could only find one line spoken by Max. But it would have been a great movie to be involved in. They sent the entire cast off to ‘space school’ for a few weeks - Max missed a lot of it because he was shooting "House of Quark" at the time.

Lolita came back in at this point, and the discussion turned to names. I already knew that the villain in "The Most Toys", Kivas Fajo, was named after her, but while Max had been speaking, I’d been wondering whether she had another namesake. Clearly the rest of the audience had been wondering the same thing, and Lolita quickly confirmed it. The dabo-girl Leeta was named for her, and in one episode, a line had been deliberately written for Max so that he said "Hellooo Leeta," so that what you really heard was ‘Lolita.’ I’d only just watched the episode a couple of weeks before, so I knew exactly what he was talking about. (But do you think I can remember the ep name? Of course not!)

They finished off by praising the "Quark’s Place" at the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas, and telling us all that we really should go. I’m not going to disagree - I’m just not sure I could stomach Las Vegas, even for Star Trek!

Waiting for Robbie

There was about a ten-minute break after Max and Lolita left before Robbie arrived. Peter hopped back up on stage, and went back to trying to interest us in his complaints about the Rugby State of Origin - which Queensland lost (Peter’s from Queensland). As we’re not a rugby state (although our team did win the NRL Grand Final our second year in the competition, didn’t we? I don’t know - I only follow US football,) we were collectively less than interested. The interest level increased when Peter started bagging out Sydney in general (traffic is chaos, cracks about the Olympics, the autograph line in Sydney the day before was worse than a rugby scrum, the Melbourne fans are much better behaved than Sydney, etc.)

It was during this time that I discovered that Jim Wright’s mythical ‘Rosie from Terra Haute’ really does exist. I was sitting next to two Rosies, and there were another 15 standing in the aisle beside me, waiting very IM-patiently for Robbie to arrive.

To make things even better, the three people behind me were a pack of whingers! I don’t know about you, but after only two Conventions (this was my third) I’ve already worked out that the main activity of a Convention is waiting. This is why you don’t go to a Con by yourself - you need to have someone to talk to, to go to lunch with, etc. But this lot just wouldn’t shut up - they complained about Peter, about the fact that Max and Lolita had ‘talked for so long’, the fact that Robbie wasn’t up on stage the whole day, etc.

The amusing thing was that after I’d turned around to tell them to shut up (well, I think I was more polite/wimpish than that), I heard them comparing my hair to Princess Leia’s. No one’s ever made that particular comment on my hair before, although I will admit that when it is up, it makes a relatively large bun. But I don’t think it would be possible to do my hair like Leia’s - I don’t think it’s humanly possible. But then, she wasn’t human, was she? J

Robbie Duncan McNeill

My first impression of Robbie, as he came through the door to the accompaniment of teenage squeals, was that he’s a lot taller than I thought. My second impression (once I'd sat down from taking photos - I sure hope they turn out!) was that he seemed to be getting along well in Australia. His first comment was about that "other city" - clearly he's picked up the Sydney-Melbourne dynamic - and that even though he hadn't seen much of Melbourne, he liked it much better! <Sängerin ducks projectiles from non-Melburnian Aussies.> He then suggested that as he hadn't yet seen much of the city, we should all get on a bus and do a tour - he promised to keep talking while we were on the bus. A guy in the front few rows suggested a pub crawl instead, and Robbie agreed that would be a fine idea. Like I said, Robbie fit into Australian culture quite well.

Like Tim Russ and Ethan Phillips, Robbie got into Trek through a TNG episode - in his case, 'The First Duty', where he played the disgraced Cadet Locarno. "Back when he had more hair," as Robbie said, he had just been cast in a show called "Going to Extremes" by the creators of Northern Exposure, Brand and Falsey. At the time, everyone had been certain "Going to Extremes" was set to be as big a hit as NX was, and Robbie was reluctant to play Locarno. But his agent talked him into it by saying that everyone had a great time doing Trek episodes. Robbie said that the time filming that show was some of the best fun he'd ever had…All four of the guests playing cadets hung out together, and Robbie said that the set had "the best" family atmosphere. So when, years later, the opportunity to be on Voyager came up, he jumped at it.

Seeing as Kate was here only two months ago, there were quite a few people who wanted to run things past Robbie to confirm what Kate told them. His reaction was "I'll tell you more than Kate did - I'll tell the truth!" Naturally, after some of Kate's stories, the most popular topic of conversation was practical jokes; apparently, Robbie and Kate had a $50 bet. (Meg and Amanda can correct me if I'm wrong, but somehow I don't think Kate told this story in Sydney.) Robert Beltran had noticed that whenever a scene on the bridge is one of high drama, Garrett Wang's voice slides up the register, 'like an engine gearing up to explode,' Robbie described it. It's hard to describe in words, but it is true. Find any high-tension scene on the bridge and listen to Harry say 'Captain….' While they were filming a scene, and doing Garrett's close-ups, the rest of the cast were delivering their lines the way Garrett did. When Garrett's close-ups were done, Robbie and Kate made their bet that they would do their lines like Garrett during their own close-ups. If Robbie couldn't do the first take without cracking up, he had to pay Kate. If he didn't crack up, and Kate did, she had to pay him. The way Robbie tells it, Kate forgot something very important. When Robbie says his lines, he's usually facing away from everyone else - especially Kate, Robert and Garrett. Consequentially, he said his lines, like Garrett, without cracking up. Kate, apparently, couldn't manage it, so he says she owes him fifty bucks. So, just as Kate gave us all a message for Tim Russ, Robbie gave us a message for Kate - "Pay Robbie his money!" (Speaking of the message for Tim Russ, Robbie said that Kate still has the photos, and Robbie has seen them.)

Robbie was also asked about Weinerville…if you don't know about this one, I’m not explaining it! Robbie managed to look suitably shocked, but did admit that by the end of the week, the jokes on the bridge set managed to get pretty raunchy. He also admitted that it must be a little tough for her to be the only woman on the bridge with all that flying around her.

Asked if he'd ever played a practical joke on Kate, Robbie prevaricated, and then admitted that he had. He had discovered that the base of the action figures is a communicator, and had some velcro attached to the back of a base (minus figure). Then, at one point in a scene with Kate in the ready room, he stuck the big communicator on while his back was to her, then whirled around to tell her 'mine's bigger than yours'. He didn't say when this was, but I'm guessing that either it was inspired by the tattoo scene in "Q and the Gray", or the tattoo scene was inspired by it.

Robbie says that of all the regular cast, he was initially the worst at getting the technobabble right. In the first few seasons, he found it to be an absolute nightmare. Then, one day, he was up near Tuvok's station on the bridge, and noticed that Tim Russ had his lines sticky-taped to the console (or at least the technobabble bits - Robbie wasn't very clear on that.) Out of interest, Robbie checked Harry's station; and sure enough, Garrett had done the same thing. Then Robbie checked out Chakotay's console, and yes, Robert Beltran also had a cheat sheet neatly tucked away. Robbie realised he was the only one actually memorising the technobabble. Since then, he, too, has had a cheat sheet taped to the console.

Robbie sees the character of the first-season Tom as the 'Lone Wolf' type - a real rebel. Early on, he thinks Tom was too much of a rebel. Now, however, Robbie thinks they've taken Tom too far the other way. Now, he says, Tom is "everybody's sidekick." What he'd like to see in Tom is some positive rebelliousness. (Meg, don't show this to Renaye, but when he said that I was thinking that Thirty Days was a perfect example of positive rebelliousness.) "Tom has screwed up in both the Maquis and Starfleet," said Robbie. "He ought to be in the middle of it all," in terms of action and outlook. I got the feeling that what Robbie meant was that maybe Tom shouldn't be totally sure of his loyalties even now, and that maybe there should be some lingering problems of trust - on both sides.

Some of his favourite scenes and episodes, Robbie says, have come from the Captain Proton thread in season five. In the second of the Captain Proton episodes Robbie had to shoot a scene where Tom-as-Proton was flying though space with a jetpack and goggles, but no oxygen tank. Apart from the simple amusement value of the idea, Robbie still had a good story to tell about this scene. For the shoot, he was going to be strapped to a teeter-totter/see-saw kind of thing which was hoisted 30 feet (ten to fifteen meters, I think) into the air. There were going to be sparklers in the jetpack to give the sparks out the back. "It's not dangerous," said the stunt co-ordinator to Robbie, "but how about you wear this fireproof underwear. And these fireproof longjohns. And this fireproof top. And your costume has been fireproofed…but it's not dangerous AT ALL." Well, Robbie got all kitted up in five to six layers of fireproofing, got strapped onto the teeter-totter/see-saw thing, and was hoisted up into the air. Then they lit the sparklers.

Well, these weren't your ordinary sparklers…the sparks from these ones went clear across the soundstage. But Robbie had been told that they needed to get a good shot, so he just had to stay up there until the sparklers ran out. Suddenly, he realised that things were getting a bit warm 'down there' (his phrase). Within seconds, it wasn't just warm, but extremely hot - and he yelled at the crew to get him down. NOW! When he got back down to earth three guys came at him with fire extinguishers…his pants were on fire. (Note: his fireproof pants were on fire.) When the fire extinguishers had done their job, Robbie discovered that he had two strategically placed holes in his trousers, and third degree burns to his backside. When he got back to work after a visit to the hospital, one of the crew presented Robbie with a still from the film, taken at the point Robbie had realised what was happening. That still is now framed and hanging in his trailer.

Galaxy Quest was the talk of the April Con. Someone asked Robbie what he thought of it - he loved it. Especially the bit where the guy is trying to work out how to drive the ship. Robbie says that he saw that part and immediately began to laugh, because he was thinking that he would have the exact same reaction.

Robbie was asked about the episodes he had directed, which include "Sacred Ground", "Someone to Watch Over Me," and a third one which I can't remember, but I’m sure someone on my lists will be able to tell me. (If not, I'll trawl through Continuum or Delta Blues to find the answer.) In the first two episodes he directed, he didn't have much screentime, so he was able to concentrate on the directing. In "Someone…", he had a small, but relatively pivotal role to play (he said!) in acting as the Doc's romance adviser. As the director, he knew the storyline and the interactions so well, that he said he was able to do those scenes very easily, and when he and Rick Berman viewed the dailies, Berman told him that this was some of the best acting he'd seen in the five years of the show to that point. Robbie was also asked whether he'd like to direct a Star Trek movie, but he replied that Jonathan Frakes seems to have the movies all sewn up. In actual fact, he didn't answer the question…I think he probably would like to, but he's right. Jonathan Frakes has first dibs at the moment.

Asked what he thought of the internet, Robbie's reaction was mixed. He admitted that "it can be such a great thing," but followed that up by saying that he will deny anything - ANYTHING - up on the web about what he said. Which of course includes this report. His concern is the anonymity of the web, and the resulting lack of accountability.

Garrett Wang, on the other hand, is, from Robbie's description, very much into the internet. Apparently, Garrrett prints out fanfic and brings it to read between scenes; by the stage of the afternoon when this was said I think I had worked out the sort of tone Robbie used when he was joking about something - and when he said Garrett reads fanfic, he wasn't using a 'jokey' tone of voice. I do believe my reaction to his statement was a slightly audible (to the people around me in any case) "oh, help!" This was far worse than finding out that Rene Auberjonois reads fanfic - because I haven't posted any DS9 fic. But to think that Garrett Wang might accidentally stumble across my stories…I repeat - oh, help!

Robbie also told us a story about one of Garrett's forays onto the web; apparently, he found a slash site (Robbie never said if it was a Paris/Kim slash site…) which included some picture manipulations of Garrett's head and a naked male body. Robbie said they were very GOOD picture manipulations - they almost looked real, "but trust me, they weren't." Garrett printed them out and brought them on set to show Robbie (and possibly others.) But at some point, either Robbie, Robert, Bob Picardo or Ethan (who seems to be generally known as Johnny) Phillips, grabbed the pics from Garrett and showed the entire cast and crew. Robbie said Garrett was as red as a beetroot.

What will Robbie do after Voyager finishes shooting? Well, he's been invited to direct some episodes of "Dawson’s Creek", and Robbie seems to be looking forward to that. Also, though I may have gotten this wrong, Robbie, Bob Picardo, Ethan Phillips and Roxanne Dawson have done a reading of a Garrison Keillor play. I'm not sure if that means that he will be doing the play sometime in the future, or just reading it once. Robbie was (rightly) praising Keillor to the skies, when he suddenly thought to ask the audience whether they'd ever heard of Keillor. Dead silence except from one ex-pat Minnesotan (yup, me!) It's kind of embarrassing to be the only one calling out at a convention!

The final question was; "What was your favourite experience?" After some laughter and rephrasing, Robbie said that his favourite Voyager experience was making "Threshhold." He said he loved making that episode, and added some remark which I honestly can't remember about having lizard babies with Kate. But I'm sure his comment had us rolling with laughter as he left the room. He's a funny guy, and quite charming.

The autograph line and the end of the Con…

I was sitting in row L, which meant I had plenty of time to wait before I could go up for an autograph. I got sick and tired of listening to the two ‘Rosie’s from Terra Haute’ sitting next to me and the whingers behind me, so I went back into the dealer’s corridor to talk to the FSF people again. We talked about the Stargate Con planned for next year, and the Buffy one, I introduced Natalie to ‘Sev Trek’ - and I bought two Sev Trek bookmarks. Next convention I’ll get either a poster or the book. I think the poster would be more fun, though.

The autograph line itself was boring, and you don’t need a description of that. But I will say that Robbie and I chatted about Garrison Keillor until Maria told me to get going, but the woman taking a photo for me hadn’t taken it yet, so Robbie told the next person in the line to go back while I had my photo taken. Robbie is such a nice guy!

For some reason there was a huge holdup in the line for Max and Lolita, so by the time I got to them, Robbie was finishing, and left amidst huge applause. Lolita and Max both personalised a photo I had bought later of the two of them (it’s a photo of Lolita kissing ‘Rom’, quite cute, actually), and Max signed another one of just Rom. He was getting people to come around behind the table for photos (Maria hadn’t noticed - she hates when that happens as it slows things down), so I had my photo taken and thanked them both.

As I was packing up my camera I heard Lolita complain that Robbie was already done and they still had over sixty autographs to do…she looked exhausted. That was the end of the Con for me, but they still had to do the cocktail party.

By the time I got to the tram it was 6.30pm, and the cocktail party was supposed to have started at 5.30. It must take an awful lot of energy and gumption to do a Con - I think I’d rather stick to my own rather ordinary life. I don’t think I want to be a star.

With this two and half day Con coming up next year, I have to save my pennies…so this was the last Con for this year for me. From now on I’ll be content to write my stories and send e-mails…and to hope that Garrett Wang NEVER finds my website!