September 1999
Rating: PG
Too Darn
Hot
By Sängerin
Planet Hell. If any place deserves that name it’s
this one. Hot and dusty and windy. But, it was the
only place for light years that the crew could possibly be given shore leave.
It's a class-M planet, technically. And in the evening, when the weather is balmy
rather than sticky, it's even quite pleasant. There isn’t much greenery around,
but there is a little, and the crew are taking
advantage of it.
So,
we’re going to be here for a week. The whole crew. And Kellin.
She
is still looking for that traitor of hers. And she is still charming Chakotay. Look at the two of them over there - she’s
fawning over him like a first year cadet! Tossing her hair,
simpering at him.
And
damn it - he’s simpering right back. He’s being an absolute fool over her. Just like he was over that Riley woman. But why should I
care? He looks happy - if I had to guess, I’d say he is happy. And
that’s all I should care about. A happy first officer is an efficient first
officer. And an efficient first officer means a happy ship - or should. So,
that is all I care about. A happy crew.
There’s
no point in staying down here anymore - I’ve made my appearance, and they know
I don’t disapprove of them enjoying themselves. I’ll come back when I can be
alone.
== == == == ==
She’s
staring at him. Whether she knows it or not. I’ve
asked Chakotay whether there’s anything between them.
He denies it, but with a strange look on his face. I’ve seen that kind of look
before. I never wanted to see it again, but I do. Every time he looks at her.
Thankfully, I’ve got nothing to worry about. She’s so stuck on protocol and
keeping up appearances that she’ll never act on anything she feels. And I’m
sure she feels something. How could she not - he’s an incredible man. Intelligent, eloquent, considerate. And
handsome as well. Besides, if she felt nothing, she wouldn’t stare like
that.
But
she’s leaving now - leaving us to ourselves. And that’s all I want - time alone
with him, while I still have the chance.
It’s
still dreadfully hot down here, and Chakotay has decided
that he doesn’t need a shirt. I’m not going to argue, either. Who would?
== == == ==
Is it
possible to be too happy?
If it
is, then I might be. Kellin is wonderful. Every day I
ask myself what I did to deserve her. She is everything I always dreamed -
intelligent, dedicated, caring, and so beautiful. There is no-one like her. And
she is here with me.
My
good fortune is immeasurable. I just wish everyone could be as happy.
The Captain…poor Kathryn. She came down to the planet
last night. Sat by herself, left after only half an
hour. She looks so sad…I wish I could do something for her. Maybe she could
come with Kellin and I on a
picnic. Perhaps that would cheer her up.
== == == ==
For
the second night in a row, the crew beamed down to the planet. But their timing
was off, this time, and the heat of the day had not yet faded. It was almost
stifling, and hit the crewmembers like a brick wall. Kellin
sagged against Chakotay, her energy sapped by the
heat. Behind them, Kathryn slipped a hand beneath the collar of her turtleneck,
trying to get some air on her skin. As she looked at Kellin’s
weak stance, something resembling a smile appeared on Kathryn’s face. Chakotay, oblivious to the tension, helped Kellin to sit and then began to spread out the picnic blanket.
Kellin roused herself long enough to look into the
basket.
‘Did Neelix cook this?’ she asked.
‘Well,
I certainly didn’t have enough rations to replicate it - they all went on wine
and champagne,’ Chakotay smiled back.
Kellin giggled, and Kathryn winced.
‘Something
wrong, Kathryn dear?’ asked Kellin.
‘No,
nothing,’ Kathryn replied. ‘It’s just a little hot, that’s all.’
‘Yes,
isn’t it,’ said Kellin, stretching out on the
blanket. ‘So nice you could come for dinner with us, anyway.’
‘Yes,
Chakotay,’ said Kathryn, switching her attention to
him, ‘I should have thanked you for inviting me along.’
‘That’s
quite all right, Kathryn. We don’t mind, do we, darling?’
‘Of course not - we couldn’t let you sit all alone again, like you
did last night.’ Kellin lay
back, her eyes closed. Kathryn was looking around her, anywhere but at Chakotay. Chakotay, setting out
the contents of the picnic basket, let out a grunt of disgust. ‘Neelix forget to put in the strawberries,’ he said, putting
a hand on Kellin’s shoulder. ‘I’ll have to go up and
get them, darling.’
‘Fine.’ She opened her eyes, and pouted a little. ‘Don’t
stay away too long, sweetie!’
Chakotay walked away a little before calling for
transport. As the familiar shimmer faded away, Kellin
seemed to regain her energy. She sat up and looked straight at Kathryn. ‘I want
you to stay away from us, all right?’
Kathryn
had been looking out over the plain, but focused on Kellin
as she spoke. ‘I’m sorry, Kellin, but I don’t
understand.’
‘I
don’t need competition, and Chakotay and I don’t need
a chaperone.’
‘Chakotay is my friend. I have every right to come when he
invites me.’
‘Just
friends, is it?’
‘Of course! There’s never been anything between us but
friendship!’
‘Right
- so why do you stare at him like that?’
‘Like
what? Kellin, I really don’t understand why you are
saying this. It’s too hot to get into an argument with you, anyway.’
‘You
won’t hear me disagreeing with that,’ said Kellin as
she stretched out on the blanket again. ‘But just you remember what I said. We
don’t need a chaperone.’
When Chakotay returned, strawberries in hand, he noticed no
difference in the atmosphere. Kellin appeared to be sleeping, Kathryn was still staring out across the plain.
‘Sorry
about that,’ said Chakotay. ‘But I knew that you
liked strawberries, Kathryn, so I wanted to make sure we had them for this
meal.’
‘Thank
you, Chakotay,’ said Kathryn uncertainly, taking one
of the strawberries he offered. Kellin opened her
eyes and stared at Kathryn. To Chakotay’s surprise,
Kathryn stood up.
‘I’d
really better get back to the ship, Chakotay.’
‘Must
you?’ he said. There was a note of regret in his voice.
‘Yes,
I must.’ She called for transport, and de-materialized.
On Kellin’s lips danced the ghost of a smile. She reached into
the picnic basket. ‘
== == == ==
Kathryn
sat in the Mess Hall. Usually she would have chosen a table by the window, to
stare out at the stars and stay separate from the rest of the crew. But all the
window tables were full. So, instead, she sat in the middle of the room,
smiling and nodding at each crewmember that passed, as she sipped a cool drink.
Although the ship was environmentally controlled, she was still feeling the
effects of the heat from the planet, and for the first time in her life, she
couldn’t face a cup of coffee.
She
heard the giggle before the doors opened. Kellin was
hanging on Chakotay’s arm, and this time, she really
needed his support. And her giggles were worse than usual. Kathryn took another
sip of her drink, and tried to ignore the couple but Kellin
was not going to make that easy.
‘Kathy!
Why did you run off so fast? You missed out on such a fun dinner.’ Kellin turned to Chakotay. ‘It
was fun, wasn’t it, sweetie-pie?’ Kellin was speaking
too loud, and almost everyone in the Mess Hall was watching them. ‘Those
strawberries were wonderful, Kathy. You really shouldn’t have left so soon.
There’s always plenty to go around…’
Chakotay put a hand on Kellin’s
arm. ‘Dear, we should go.’
‘No,
Kathy and I are just getting started.’ Kellin
stopped, and Kathryn got up to leave. As she did, Kellin
called out, ‘Don’t worry, Kathy. You can have him tomorrow night - I can’t
stand the heat anymore.’
The
Mess Hall was suddenly silent, and Kathryn stopped still.
‘Dear,
that was cruel.’
Kellin only giggled in reply. Before Kathryn could walk
away, Chakotay lead Kellin
around the corner.
‘Kathy!’
More giggling. Kathryn winced at the sound, and Chakotay noticed.
‘Kathryn,
I’m sorry about this. She…I think something in the champagne doesn’t agree with
her biology.’
‘Perhaps
you should get the Doctor to run some tests,’ said Kathryn, shortly. ‘No, I’m
sorry, too, Chakotay.’
‘Why?’
Kellin had leant back against the corridor wall. ‘She’s
jealous, Chak… Chucky.’
Chakotay looked at Kathryn. She looked back,
trying to read the emotions is his face. ‘Is that true, Kathryn?’
== == == == ==
‘So,
what happened then?’
‘Well,
Chakotay and Janeway just
stood there looking at each other. Kellin was sitting
on the floor, giggling.’
‘Don’t
you just hate her giggling?’ asked Kit.
‘Totally,’
replied B’Elanna.
‘So,
come on, B’Elanna! You heard this whole thing. Get on
with telling the story!’
‘Keep
your hair on, Tom. I’m getting to it. Janeway turned
to Kellin, and practically dragged her up off the
floor. She told Chakotay to take Kellin
to sickbay. He said that he wasn’t moving until she answered his question.’
‘Way
to go, Chak!’ said Harry.
‘Keep
your voice down, Harry,’ admonished B’Elanna. ‘If any
of them knew we were discussing this, we’d all be dead. Janeway
looked at him like she was trying to, I don’t know, see inside him or
something. And he was getting this big grin on his face. And then he made this
movement as though he was going to hug her, but she got out of the way, and
started leading Kellin down the hall. And she said
over her shoulder to him that any fool could see that Kellin
didn’t know what she was talking about. Chakotay just
stood there, watching them.’
‘So, B’Elanna, how did you hear all of this? I can understand
how Tom knows something, but you…’ Sam Wildman asked.
‘So I
was kind of eavesdropping. Hey, without me being in that Jeffries tube, none of
Tom’s story would have made sense!’
‘Hang
on,’ said Kit. ‘I haven’t heard Tom’s story yet!’
‘Well,
Kit, this is the good bit, if I do say so myself,’ said Tom, with barely
disguised pride. ‘I’d been in the Mess Hall, but the Doc called me in to help.
He was in the middle of some research, and didn’t want to deal with what he
called "Kellin’s petty drunkenness."’ All
those gathered around the table burst out laughing. ‘Kellin
was sitting on a biobed, giggling and even hicupping. Janeway was pacing up
and down on the other side of the sickbay. I checked Kellin
out as well as I could - her readings won’t stay in a tricorder,
you know. I was able to sort out an antidote, but it took a while to
replicate….What are you grinning at, Harry?’
‘"In
a nutshell,
‘Oh,
alright, ‘Commander,’’ grinned Tom. ‘Anyway, while I was preparing the
antidote, Kellin called out, "You never answered
Chucky’s question, Kathy." Janeway
turned around and said that she did. "No you didn’t," said Kellin. "Not truthfully,
anyway." You should have seen the look on Janeway’s
face. She pulls herself up, you know how she does that,’ Harry grinned ruefully,
and others nodded. ‘And she said to Kellin that how
she felt about Chakotay was none of Kellin’s business, and that while she was on Voyager,
she recommended that Kellin stay out of her way. Kellin was too drunk to quite understand what Janeway said, and she said that Janeway
really did love Chakotay, anyway. Janeway
must have totally forgotten I was there, because she walked right up to Kellin. She had her back to the door and didn’t see Chakotay come in. Just as he did, she said to Kellin, and I think I’ve got her words exactly right,
"I do love him, more than anything. But I’m never going to tell him, so
you can rest easy, you little…witch." I can’t get her voice tone right,
but everything she said was almost violent.’
‘So,
what did Chakotay say?’ asked Kit.
‘Nothing. He turned around and walked out. Neither Janeway nor Kellin had seen him.
I poked my head out the door of Doc’s office, and he was leaning on the
corridor wall with his eyes closed. He didn’t look upset, but he didn’t look
all that happy, either. He looked, well…baffled.’
‘And
what about Kellin and Janeway?’
‘I
gave Kellin the antidote, and Janeway
carted her off to her quarters.’
Kit
asked the question everyone had in their minds. ‘So why is Chakotay
still spending so much time with the airhead?’
== == == ==
That
little witch made me admit it! She was drunk, not me. She was supposed to be
making meaningless confessions, and yet I did. And thank whatever higher power
there might be that Chakotay wasn’t there, that he
didn’t hear. I don’t want him to know how I feel, because I can’t cope with him
knowing.
This
planet is the only place where I can be alone right now - I don’t care about
the heat. I’m uncomfortable enough mentally and I couldn’t care less if I
overheat down here. I just want to scream, scream until I have no voice left. And never go back to face Chakotay and
his simpering airhead.
If
only I could forget that it ever happened.
== == == ==
How
can I ever forget what I heard? For years I have been waiting for Kathryn to
feel for me what I have felt for her, and now I have heard her say it. But she
didn’t say it to me, she said it to a woman that
I…love? A day ago I was certain that I loved Kellin,
now, I’m not so sure. Is Kellin a substitute because
I couldn’t have Kathryn, or am I simply confused now because I am so used to
loving Kathryn that I can’t admit to myself that I no longer love her?
Am I
always going to be trapped in this dilemma? Am I never going to have a normal
life? When she arrived, I was so hopeful. A real life, a real relationship,
with a woman who loved me in the same way I loved her. Something I haven’t
known for a very long time, if ever. And now I find myself unable to decide who
I love.
== == == ==
I saw
him come in. I saw that he heard. No one realises,
not even
I
don’t want him to forget me - but in order to forget what she said, he has to
forget me. And I want him to forget that she loves him. And she’ll forget too.
If he
no longer knows, and she no longer loves him, I can leave, and be satisfied.
== == == ==
One
month later
Chakotay searched through the rubble of the alien ship,
shining his light around the walls. Suddenly, he heard a moan from beneath a
bulkhead.
‘Hello?’
‘Chakotay, is that you?’ asked a woman’s voice. The same
voice he had heard on the recording. He saw a red-clad leg under the bulkhead,
and knelt down to place a comforting hand on it.
‘Yes,
it’s me.’ Now wasn’t the time to ask how she knew him. But when he had shifted
the bulkhead, and the woman had rolled out from underneath, he went over to
her, and found that he held in his arms the most beautiful woman he had ever
seen.
‘Chakotay,’ she said, ‘I knew you’d help me.’
‘Do I
know you?’ he asked. And despite the pain he was sure she was in, he saw a
smile of triumph on her lips.
I
love Cole Porter’s song ‘Too Darn Hot.’ You have to actually watch "Kiss
Me, Kate" to see why I envisage things this way. It’s all in Ann Miller’s
portrayal of ‘