June 2001
Rating: G
…
Unforgettable too
by Sängerin,
from a beginning by ejspock
Kathryn
Janeway pressed the door chime to Commander Chakotay's quarters, clutching a stack of reports to her
chest. She managed to do so without dropping a single one, though she had no
idea how. There were so many reports and she was extremely grateful to Chakotay for volunteering to help her with them, even if he
may have ulterior motives.
Stop
that, Kathryn, she chided herself. Just because Chakotay
has feelings for you, doesn't mean anything. He respects your decision, and
wouldn't try anything without your consent. Well, he may use those dimples of
his, but you can resist those, right?
"Come
in," Chakotay called. "I'll be out in a
minute."
Janeway stumbled through the door, and dumped the huge
stack of PADDS on Chakotay's coffee table. With a
sigh of relief, she collapsed onto his sofa, a faint crinkling sound as her
body came in contact with the cushion catching her attention.
Knowing
that is was really none of her business, but unable to stop her curiosity,
Kathryn delved under the cushion. Almost immediately, Kathryn's hand came in
contact with a sheaf of papers, which she pulled out. Every fiber of the
Captain inside her screamed at her to put them back, that they were the
personal property of the Commander, and she had no right to be reading them, but
Kathryn, for once, managed to win out. Recognizing Chakotay's
handwriting at once, she began to read.
She
was beautiful. No, not just beautiful, she was the most
lovely creature that I had ever laid eyes on. Beauty was the least of
her charms, however. She was also extremely intelligent, dedicated in her work,
and had a quiet inner strength that compelled a person to get to know her
better. I also loved her.
Kathryn
smiled, a tear in her eye. This has to be about me,
she thought. Perhaps Chakotay meant for me to find
it, to tell me of his feelings. He's always been quite shy about them, hiding
behind ancient legends. This has got to be the sweetest thing anyone has ever
written about me. If only I weren't the Captain. . ." Her momentary
fantasy on what might be was rudely shattered by the next words on the page.
Her
name was Kellin.
Kathryn
blinked in confusion. Reading it again, she found it still said the same thing.
Her name was Kellin. HER NAME WAS KELLIN.
How
did this happen? she thought desperately. There's no
one named Kellin on the crew, and I don't remember
meeting an alien named Kellin. Then the answer, or at least a possible answer came to her. Shore leave, of course.
He
must have met somebody on shore leave, had a brief relationship, then had to leave. . .but to actually be in love? That
quickly? I didn't think Chakotay was that
type. . .
Unable
to read any farther, Kathryn threw the papers to the floor, as the emotions she
had tucked away in the farthest corner of her heart, exploded throughout her.
Love, mixed with extreme grief and jealousy flooded her body, plunging her into
a maelstrom of despair. With a strangled sob, she fled his quarters, not caring
who saw her in her current state.
-/\- -/\- -/\-
Chakotay had been changing into civilian clothes, when he
heard a strangled cry from his main room. "Kathryn?" he called.
"Are you all right?" Receiving no answer, he dashed from his bedroom,
half-dressed, fearing the worst. Instead of Kathryn, all he found were papers
scattered all over his floor. Collecting them, he managed to put them in some
semblance of order, before beginning to read them, in hopes of finding what had
upset Kathryn.
The
more he read, the more confused he became. It was certainly his handwriting,
but he remembered none of these events. He wasn't sure if he wanted to, either.
It just seemed too incredible. One day, he was suspicious of her, suspecting
some sort of hidden motive, and the next, he was desperately in love with her?
It made no sense. He was in love with Kathryn, this
"Kellin" person just seemed to be
infatuation, a passing fling.
Finishing
it, and finally understanding why he had no recollection of the events, Chakotay thought, If Kathryn read this, it's no wonder
she's upset. . .wait a minute. If she's upset about me with another woman, that
means she does have feelings for me. Maybe it's not too late. Determined to
salvage what was left of their relationship, and perhaps get it to go a bit
further, Chakotay dashed out of his quarters,
heedless to the fast that he still wasn't wearing a shirt.
He
pressed the door chime to her quarters, and as he had expected, he got no
response. He wasn't about to let that stop him, however, and quickly punched in
his override code. The doors slid open, and he entered her quarters, trying to
figure out what the hell he was going to say.
All
his bravado slipped away when he saw her curled up on the sofa, crying. He’d
never actually seen Kathryn cry before, and the sight of it cut him to the
heart. Every caring instinct in him came to the fore, and his thoughts of
furthering their relationship disappeared. All he knew was that Kathryn was
hurting, and he had to help her. He had even forgotten that he was probably the
last person she wanted to see just then.
‘Kathryn?’
She
lifted her head, but when she saw who it was, a mask of calm slipped over her
face. ‘Get out of here.’ It was an order, coming from the Captain, not Kathryn,
and her voice was tinged with hate.
He
turned towards the door, but hesitated before he left. ‘Did you read it all,
Kathryn? I’m leaving it here for you, if you didn’t.’ He put the sheaf of paper
down on the table by the door. ‘Please, Kathryn. Read the whole thing.’ He
walked out into the hall and bumped into Tom Paris. Literally.
Tom’s
eyebrows rose in a reasonable imitation of Tuvok. ‘Interesting place to be leaving, Commander. Especially shirtless.’ Chakotay
stopped and stared at Tom, considering, for a moment, what a joy it would be to
throw the loudmouthed ‘helmboy’ into the brig. Then
he thought better of it, but rather than holding his tongue, he threw a rough,
‘Go to hell,
-/\- -/\- -/\-
Kathryn
stared at the sheaf of papers lying on the table, as she had been doing for
most of the night. Her tears had finally run out, but she couldn’t sleep. So
she had sat on the sofa, staring at the papers, sipping on a rare cup of coffee
from the replicator. Indulging herself
and torturing herself at the same time. Torturing herself
with the memory of the words on the papers, and the look on his face as he had
left them there.
‘Please
read the whole thing,’ he had pleaded. Should she? Could she? She had read them
readily enough before, even though she had known she shouldn’t. Now, when Chakotay wanted her to read them, had asked her to read
them, she felt physically unable to.
Her
name was Kellin.
That
had been enough. She didn’t want to know any more about it. She didn’t want to
read any more about this ‘Kellin.’ Kathryn left the
papers on the table, and got ready for her duty shift.
In
the mess hall, Kathryn had the distinct feeling that the crew, once again, was
gossiping about her. Tom Paris, in particular, kept shooting looks over to
where she sat, at a table by the wide viewports. She
tried to remain oblivious to his glances, but couldn’t help noticing them, or
the way that his, Harry’s and B’Elanna’s heads were
suspiciously close together over the table, as though they were gossiping. Fed
up by the uneasiness, and having finished her breakfast, she got up to leave
the Mess Hall. As she approached the doors, they opened to admit Chakotay. She couldn’t help but look straight at the man. She side-stepped to avoid him at the same moment that he did.
They both stepped to the same side. She stared at him for a moment, wondering
if he was intentionally blocking her path. Then he stepped back, and with a
joking sweep of his hand, indicated the clear path. Without saying a word, she
left.
-/\- -/\- -/\-
Chakotay glared at
He
wondered whether she had read it yet. He couldn’t tell simply from her reaction
to him. But her stony silence made him think that she hadn’t read the pages he
had left with her. If only he could be sure that she would read it, if not
today, then soon. Her initial reaction had finally shown him that she did care
- and he didn’t want this chance to be thrown away by some alien woman he
couldn’t remember.
‘Glad
to see you’ve remembered to wear a shirt today, Commander,’ said the cheeky
voice of Tom Paris.
Chakotay was in two minds - once again, he longed to throw
‘As a
matter of fact, yes, I have,’ said Tom, looking puzzled, ‘but please don’t tell
B’Elanna. She’d kill me. But, Commander, you hardly
drink at all. Why would you be in that position?’
‘This
is going to sound very strange,
‘With
all due respect, Commander, you asking me for advice is strange, period.’ He
paused. ‘This wouldn’t have anything to do with our…bumping into each other
yesterday, and your little battle with the Captain just before, would it?’
‘I’d
rather you didn’t ask, actually,
‘If I
don’t know, I can’t advise you.’
‘Fine. It’s like this…’ As Chakotay
explained the situation to Tom, with the bare minimum of detail, Tom sat back
in his chair, a grin on his face.
‘This
is a good story! Mind if I turn it into a holonovel?’
‘This
isn’t a story, Tom,’ Chakotay said angrily. ‘As far
as I can tell, it all happened. Then I wrote it down, and Kath…the Captain
found it. And now she’s mad at me. Furious, in fact.’
‘Yeah,
I saw her this morning - black doesn’t begin to describe her mood! Which
reminds me, I’m on duty in five minutes.’
‘Damn,
so am I. Paris, if you dare tell anyone what I’ve told
you - your life will not be worth living, and you won’t be living it for long,
anyway.’
‘Gotcha!’
replied Tom, and left.
Chakotay followed soon afterwards. As he entered the turbolift, he groaned. What on earth had possessed him to
tell Tom Paris, of all the loudmouths on this ship? And, in any case, what sort
of advice could
When
he came onto the bridge, she was already there, in her chair, reading reports.
As soon as he sat down, she stood up.
‘The
bridge is yours, Commander.’ She didn’t even look at him as she went into the
ready room.
Nothing
had changed.
-/\- -/\- -/\-
Nothing
had changed.
As
she read through the never-ending reports, her mind wandered. She thought about
him, sitting on the bridge, thinking about Kellin,
most likely. She thought about the pile of papers sitting in her quarters. She
needed some sort of closure on this, she decided. And she activated the
transport program she had set up earlier.
The
pile of paper arrived on her coffee table. She replicated another cup of
coffee, briefly cursing how short she was getting of rations, and settled down
to read.
Her
name was Kellin.
And
she hadn’t been some shore-leave romance, Kathryn realised.
She had been here, on Voyager. Twice, apparently.
And each time, Kellin and Chakotay
had fallen in love. Each time, he had let her go, and each time, he, and
everyone else on the ship, had forgotten about her.
Kathryn
reached the last few sentences.
If
everything that Kellin has said is true, (and I
believe that, with all my heart), then I will forget her within the next few
hours. I don’t want to forget, which is why I have written this all down. She
is, she was, unforgettable.
Kathryn
laughed at the sense of irony in Chakotay’s words.
Taking a sip from her coffee cup, she found it was cold. ‘Computer, time?’ she
asked. She had been sitting there reading Chakotay’s
closely written sheets for almost half an hour.
The doorchime sounded.
‘Yes?’
Chakotay entered. His eyes fell on the papers. ‘You’ve
read it?’
She
nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak.
‘Then
you understand.’ He let out a sigh of relief. ‘It was…’
She
couldn’t bear to hear what she was sure would be his explanation, so she
interrupted him. ‘I understand. She was very important to you. You were in love
with her. I had no right to react in the way that I did, Chakotay,
and I’m very sorry. Will you forgive me, so that we can go back to being
friends?’
‘Of
course I can forgive you, Kathryn, but…’
Once
more she jumped in before he had finished. ‘Thank you.’ She smiled at him.
‘Now, because I just spent the last half-hour reading this, I’ve got a lot of
work to catch up on. How about we meet for dinner tonight? Use the resort
program?’
Chakotay hesitated, then
answered, ‘Of course, that sounds lovely, Kathryn. I’ll see you then.’ He
turned and walked back out to the bridge.
Kathryn
piled the papers together and left them on the coffee table, then went back to
her reports.
-/\- -/\- -/\-
On
the other side of the ready room door, Chakotay
stifled a groan of frustration.
‘Something
wrong, Commander?’
‘No more than usual,
He
stood up. ‘
Tom swivelled in his seat, then got up
with a quizzical glance at Chakotay. Once they were
in the briefing room, he asked casually, ‘What’s up?’
‘She
isn’t mad at me anymore.’
‘And
this is a bad thing?’
‘She
isn’t mad at me, because she’s convinced that I’m in
love with Kellin. I’m not - I’m in love with
Kathryn.’
‘Glad
to hear it,’ said
‘That’s
what I’m asking you, Paris. What do I do now? I’ve been going on like this
forever, being friends with her, and no more. I know she cares for me, but I
don’t think she’s admitting that to herself. And I can’t let her believe that
I’m in love with a woman I don’t even remember.’
‘Well,
when are you next having dinner together?’
‘Tonight, at the resort.’
‘Why not Sandrine’s, instead. It’s an atmosphere where
dancing seems more appropriate.’
‘Why
dancing?’ asked Chakotay.
‘Why
not?’ replied
‘Oh,
go ahead and tell them. Nothing will happen between us, I’m sure.’
‘Working.’ There was a pause. ‘List displayed.’
‘This
is the one!’ Tom exclaimed. ‘Unforgettable, sung by Nat King
Cole.’
Chakotay winced at the title. ‘Are you sure this is a good
idea, Tom?’ He answered his own question before Tom had a chance. ‘Of course
you aren’t, but you figure it’s got to be worth a shot, right?’
‘Took the words right out of my mouth, Commander.’
‘I’ll
bet I did.’
‘But
you’ve got a point. The timing on this has to be just right. You have to have
explained it to her first, before I play this song. Or else she’ll just think
that it’s about Kellin, rather than her. We’ll need
to have some sort of signal…’
-/\- -/\- -/\-
When
Kathryn had received the note telling her that dinner would be at Sandrine’s
instead of at the resort, she had been surprised, but not displeased. She
missed the old
As Chakotay came forward to greet her, dressed, as she was, in
comfortable civilian clothes, she saw a number of people sitting eating dinner.
A multicoloured flash behind the bar caught her eye,
and she saw Neelix rushing around in a newly created
kitchen.
‘Neelix shifted the mess hall to the holodeck
for tonight,’ Chakotay said. ‘He dug up some old
Earth cliché like ‘A change is as good as a vacation,’ and decided it would be
good for morale.’
‘Well,
people certainly seem to be enjoying themselves,’ she replied. ‘Do we order at
the counter, or are we waited on?’
‘Order
at the counter, Captain, then sit down and your food
will be delivered in a matter of minutes,’ Neelix
said, without pausing in his frenzy. He and Sandrine narrowly avoided crashing
into each other, but Sandrine, with an ability
peculiar to holograms, simply blinked out of existence, and then reappeared at
the other end of the bar.
‘Well
done, Sandrine,’ said Kathryn.
‘Thank
you, Captain. He is a menace, that man,’ she confided, her voice low. ‘Now, Captain, Commander. Can I get you something to drink?’
‘Red
wine, I think, Chakotay?’ He nodded, and Kathryn
turned back to the bar. ‘A bottle of your best, Sandrine.’
‘I’ll
bring it to your table as soon as you have one. Now, order your food before the
little man burns it all up!’
They
took Sandrine’s advice, then sat down at a booth in
the corner of the room. The both opened their mouths, but before either could
speak, Sandrine brought the wine across. Kathryn tasted it, and approved. She
poured out a full glass for herself, and one for Chakotay.
They both tasted their wine. Neither spoke. Finally, Chakotay
began to speak.
‘Captain,’
he began. Then, ‘Kathryn, I want to tell you something. I think that you need
to hear it. But I want you to listen, without interrupting me.’
‘All right.’
‘It’s
about Kellin.’ Her heart sank at the name. She opened
her mouth to stop him, but he held up a hand, and she remembered his request.
‘I don’t remember her at all. I read what you read, and nothing touched a
chord. None of the feelings that seem to be in that are mine. If it hadn’t been
my own handwriting, I would deny that I had written it. What I read, no matter
how many times the words ‘I loved her’ were written, didn’t say that to me. All
I saw in that was an infatuation. Not love. It’s you I love, Kathryn. Not some woman
that I don’t remember, and who, to me, never existed. You.’
She
sat looking into his face as he said the words, and didn’t know what to think.
She studied his face, looking as honest as it always looked - none of the guilt
or hidden cunning that had been there at times, at the beginning. Honesty,
openness, and love was all she could see. Confused,
she looked away and sipped at her wine. He loved her - but she had known that
all along, ever since New Earth. It was the despair and pain she had felt,
reading that he loved Kellin, that confused her now. Even if she did believe him,
believe that this ‘Kellin’ was nothing more than an
infatuation that neither of them would ever truly remember,
what did she really feel about Chakotay?
In
the back of her mind, she heard some music start up. Suddenly, the lyrics made
it through to her brain. ‘Unforgettable, that’s what you are….’ She
looked back at Chakotay, still gazing at her, as
though he were willing her to see into his heart.
‘This
song is for you, Kathryn. It’s what I feel for you.’ They sat in silence
and listened to the song. And as she listened, Kathryn understood what she was
feeling.
‘That’s
why, darling, it’s incredible, that someone so
unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too…’
As
the music faded, she reached her hand across the table to hold his. ‘That’s how
I feel, too, Chakotay.’
For a
long moment, they were silent, savouring the moment.
Then Kathryn said, ‘Would you care to dance?’
They
both got up and moved to what passed for Sandrine’s dance floor.