A Child Lost
Tonight my mom told me everything. We had one of those heart to heart talks, and now I think my heart might be breaking.
My dad died three days ago and today we are supposed to go to his funeral. But all I want to do is stay here in my room, hide away from the world and the truth that I finally heard.
Life has been hard enough, but I learned to live with it. I've always ignored the whispers and the rumors, but now that I've found out that some of them are true… well, I don't know how I will cope.
Okay, I know that I'm confusing you, so I'll start from the beginning. My father was the first officer on the starship Voyager; the ship that was lost in the Delta Quadrant seven years. My mother was a former Borg drone who was rescued during the journey home. My parents got together when Voyager found her way home. It surprised everyone, but they didn't let that bother them. They used to speak of the love and understanding they had for each other, but now Mom says that wasn't really true.
I guess they both felt lost, so they turned to each other. Oh, she said they had passion, and eventually love of a certain kind, and then they had me. I came a couple of years later, and Dad couldn't have been prouder. I look at all the pictures of me and Dad and I see nothing but love.
But then I notice something, over time the pictures of Dad and me grew fewer and fewer. Oh, he and Mom did not get a divorce, but I was always told that Dad had to work overtime. Or that he was busy - there was always an excuse. I don't want to make my Dad sound bad, 'cause he wasn't, he just wasn't around as much as I wanted him to be.
Now I know the real reason why. It goes back to the days of Voyager, and the Captain that my Dad fell in love with - Captain Janeway, now Admiral Janeway. I never heard a lot about her throughout my life. A few stories here and there but nothing else. I know I met her on occasion, just briefly at this party or that gathering, but I never had much interest in her.
I guess Dad did. Mom says that Dad assumed that Janeway wasn't interested in him. She said that no feelings were ever shown, so that’s why Dad left with Mom. But a few years later, when I was two years old, Dad saw Admiral Janeway again. I guess that's when the two of them began the affair that is tearing my life apart. Dad wasn't really busy, he wasn't working overtime, he was with her. He led this double life and Mom just let it happen.
I asked her why? How could she just sit back and let something like that happen? And all she had to say was that she never really had Dad's heart and that the two of them shouldn't have ever happened. I wonder if that meant that I shouldn't have happened. She says no, that Dad always loved me, that he never regretted me. It was just Mom that was the mistake.
Mom came up and said it was time to go, I really didn't want to, but I guess that would show disrespect to Dad, and I just couldn't do that to him. She squeezed my hand and asked if I was ready. I just nodded my head and walked in silence to the transport pad.
We materialize on a hill, there are already a lot of people gathered to pay their last respects to my Dad. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Why did he have to go and die?
Mom leads me to the grave where we peer into the hole where Dad's coffin lies. She then leads me to a row of chairs and we sit. I look around and that’s when I see her. She's smaller than I remember I'm actually taller than she is. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's beautiful. Her auburn hair is beginning to turn gray, but it simply makes her look more distinguished.
I know I gasped out loud, but I can't believe what I see. Mom never told me, but I know immediately who they are. Admiral Janeway stands at the grave, her arms around two children, who look to be the same age. I guess they are twins. And the boy.... That boy is the spitting image of my father..
"Mom, why didn't you tell me? How could you not tell me this?" I whisper the words to her, the anger clear in my voice.
"Because I felt you already had enough to take in. Do you think you were ready to hear that you had a half-brother and sister? Their names are Kristina and Kolopak," says mom.
"He's named after grandfather?" I whisper in disbelief.
"Yes. I know you're upset right now, but so are they. The two of them lost a father too," she says compassionately.
"How old are they?" I ask.
"They are thirteen years old. Born three years after you," she explains.
I guess this must be difficult for them, probably as difficult as it is for me. I wonder if they know who I am? I lean over and ask Mom and she says that yes, they do.
Suddenly there is an admiral in front of us, its about to begin. I just sit back and listen, knowing there is nothing I can do to change this. I have a choice right now, I can either get angry or I can accept the inevitable. I'm not sure what to do, but the decision is made for me as soon as the funeral is over.
I'm sitting in the chair, still staring at the ground when I notice two small pairs of feet standing in front of me.
"We were going to go sit over there, where there are less adults. Do you want to come?" It the boy, Kolopak.
I nod and get up to follow.
"You know about us, right?" asks Kristina.
"I was just told today," I explain.
" We've known about you for...well all our life I guess. Daddy always talked about you. Said how pretty you are. He was right," said Kolopak.
I'm shocked. I never thought about myself as pretty, but I answer politely anyway. "Thank you."
"We wanted to meet you before, but I guess our moms didn't think it was a good idea. But it was Dad's dying wish that we get to know you. Is that okay asks Kristina.
I think for a minute, it all suddenly sounds so right. I always felt so lost, so alone, but now I wasn't, and probably never would be again. I didn't notice either of our mothers watching us, with smiles on their faces.
I look to the two of them and say, "it sure is okay. I think I would
really like that."
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