For better or for worse
By Sheri
Author's note: I got this idea after reading the story My
Best Friends Wedding by kadi, at Kadiths
Wyer. Go read, its great! Although this is quite different from
the story she wrote, I felt it necessary to mention this great writer.
Thanks for the great idea!
Chakotay stared down at the woman lying on the biobed and sighed. She would need to be cared for, there was no doubt about that, and he knew he would have to be the one to do it. Now all he hoped for was that his fiancé would agree.
He had been contacted and told that Captain Kathryn Janeway had been critically injured on her latest mission, and they weren't kidding about that. Both legs had been shattered, and although the doctors felt she would eventually make a full recovery, they said that recovery could take several months, if not longer.
He knew Danielle would understand; she and Kathryn had always gotten along, but what would others think? Would the rumors start flying again? After all, he would be taking his best friend and former lover home to live with him and his future wife, not something that occurred every day.
He and Kathryn had attempted a relationship shortly after they arrived home from the Delta Quadrant. It had been a wonderful and intense relationship; they found they had more in common than they had ever known. But after a year planet side and working only part time, they found things were not going as smoothly as they had before.
Kathryn spent more time at the office and less time with Chakotay. She knew how she was treating him was unfairly; they were going in two different directions. They mutually decided to split up before their friendship paid the price.
And despite the doubts of their mutual friends the two of them maintained their close friendship, still talking for hours and on occasion taking care of each other's needs. Chakotay began to date, although unsuccessfully at first, but soon he felt he had met the right woman. Kathryn was the first to know.
He had been dating Danielle for only a few weeks when he brought up the subject of meeting Kathryn. She found it odd, saying that most men wouldn't want their current lovers to meet their ex-lovers. He explained to her his special relationship with Kathryn, the fact that she was his best friend and he hoped she would always be in his life in this manor. Danielle was nervous at first, yet as soon as she met Kathryn, she was put at ease. The two women became fast friends, getting into gossip sessions that would make Chakotay a bit nervous.
No, he knew Danielle wouldn't have a problem bringing Kathryn into their home. She would probably try to convince him if he weren't already convinced.
He left Kathryn's side to go make the call; there would be preparations to make, in order to care for her outside of the hospital.
=^=
"Chakotay, are you sure about this?" asked Kathryn. "This isn't fair to you and Danielle; I could be like this for quite some time."
"Kathryn, I think you already know the answer to that. You are my best friend, and the only other option for you would be to go to a care facility for the next six months. I would never let that happen, and it would drive you crazy," he explained. "I've already talked to Danielle, and she agrees; we've already set the spare room up for you, and we are not taking no for an answer."
"But, Chakotay..." she began.
"I said it's already arranged, so quit arguing. Besides, you get to have me at your beck and call for the next six months, be happy about it," he laughed.
"I'm hoping it won't be that long; I don't plan to remain an invalid for very long," she said sternly.
"I know, and I will do everything to make sure you recover as quickly as you can, but, Kathryn, it could take longer you know," he said. It wasn't something he wanted to admit, yet he knew they both had to acknowledge the possibility.
"I know," she whispered.
"Kathryn, I know you. You're hoping for an instant recovery here. You can't accept the fact that you may possibly need to rely on someone for a very long time," he said tersely.
"That’s not fair," she said.
"I'm know if it's not fair," Chakotay lightened his tone a bit, "but it's the truth. Please, don't fight me on this on this, Kathryn. Let me help you."
Kathryn closed her eyes and leaned back on the pillow, sighing she finally spoke, "I suppose it would be better than having to put up with all these doctors; they're driving me crazy already."
Chakotay laughed, "Now that's the Kathryn I know. Your doctor says you can leave in a few weeks. Danielle is making all the arrangements for your care at home; all you'll have to do is lie there and behave."
She rolled her eyes, "Ooh! Now you want me to behave? I think you're pushing it." She eyed him carefully, "Chakotay, thank you."
"Your welcome, Kathryn."
=^=
Kathryn was released a few weeks later and settled right into Chakotay's house despite her doubts. She was completely frustrated at the idea of not being able to do anything; sitting still was not her strong point. Yet she didn't have any choice; she was stuck here in this bed; she had to rely on Chakotay and Danielle for everything she wanted to do.
She found it hard to ask for the simple things she needed. If
it weren't for the fact that Chakotay could read her so well she would
probably have done without many little luxuries.
She was lying in bed, reading a book that she just did not hold her
interest. She knew she must have read this same page at least three
times. She wanted to see something other than the four walls of the
bedroom, yet wasn't going to ask Chakotay to move her to another room for
a while. She hated the fact that she had to be carried everywhere
and she hated the little hover car even more.
She also hated the feelings being here stirred up in her. She had long ago convinced herself that she didn't love Chakotay, at least not more than the love of a friend, but now she knew just how wrong she was. She did indeed love him, more so now than before. Why did she always have to be so damn stubborn? Now all it has got her is misery and loneliness.
The door to the bedroom opened to admit Chakotay, who promptly flopped himself on the bed beside her and just grinned at her, "Could you sigh any louder, Kathryn?" he asked with a laugh.
"I did not sigh. You're hearing things, Chakotay," she said a little angrily.
"Come on, you're bored and you're letting everyone know it. Want to go sit in the living room for a while?" he asked.
"No, you two don't need me out there. You get too little privacy as it is," she replied.
"Kathryn, we didn't invite you to stay here just to keep you locked up in the bedroom like some animal." He got up from the bed, bent down and scooped her up, despite her growing protests, "Hush, Danielle and I would love your company out here," he said carrying her out the door. He smiled at Danielle as they entered the living room, "Besides, Danielle doesn't boss me around nearly enough. I'm beginning to miss it. Come out here and show her how it's done."
Kathryn let out a small laugh, "How do you do it, Chakotay?"
"Do what?" he asked, as he gently laid her on the couch.
"Manage to cheer me up no matter what the circumstances are?"
"It's my natural charm," he retorted.
"Ok then, you want me to boss you around, go get me some coffee," she said.
"Juice you said, no problem," he wasn't going to let her get away with it.
"Chakotay, coffee please. Just one cup? I'm dying here," she pleaded.
"You do not need that stuff," he said as he set her down on the couch. "So what will it be apple or orange?"
She gave him her best glare, "Cherry."
He smiled, showing all his dimples, "Fine, be different! One cherry juice coming up."
"And a bagel and cream cheese while you're at it," she called after him, eliciting a laugh from Chakotay.
=^=
It went on like that for another month, with Kathryn fighting Chakotay at every turn. Chakotay didn’t want to take one more minute of her silence. She didn't complain so much, in fact she was quieter than usual. She did her best to keep her spirits up, yet found depression sinking in once in a while.
It was during one of those times that she would stay in her room, insisting she didn't want to join them anywhere else. She discovered that Chakotay had been falling asleep on the couch in the living room.
During a small argument between Chakotay and Danielle, when they thought Kathryn was asleep, Kathryn overheard Chakotay claim he should wait a while before going upstairs in case Kathryn needed something. Danielle's response was there was an intercom system that Kathryn could use any time.
Kathryn completely agreed with her. Despite the fact that she enjoyed having Chakotay with her, she didn't want to cause problems between the couple.
She knew, when she gave Chakotay up the first time, that she had lost him, probably for good. It was good to see him happy again, and she liked Danielle; Her own happiness no longer mattered.
She sighed and leaned back on the pillows. No, despite her feelings that were growing stronger, she had to make sure this problem was taken care of and soon.
"Chakotay," she called out.
Seconds later the door to her room opened, "What do you need?" he asked still a little angry.
"I'd like you to explain to me why you're sleeping on the couch? Have you been sleeping there this entire time? That isn't going to do anything for your relationship," she stated.
"You were listening?" he barked.
"Yes, I was. It's not like I could slip away," she yelled back.
"Damn it, Kathryn, it's none of your business. Let Danielle and me work this out ourselves."
"Chakotay it is my business if I'm the problem. I should have guessed you would do this. I don't need a constant babysitter."
"Kathryn, just leave it. I will sleep where I want to, and neither you nor Danielle will tell me what is right and what is wrong."
"I don't want to leave it. Listen to me Chakotay. You don't want to mess up this relationship simply because you chose to sleep on the couch. I …" she began.
"Don't try to give me advice on relationships, Kathryn. I think you are the last person who should hand out advice on that subject. You're so smart in every way but that," he said.
Kathryn just blinked and turned away, "Do what you want then, Chakotay. I'm sorry I interfered.
He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. Instead he marched out of the room and straight out of the house; he needed to get away for a while.
Kathryn knew exactly what she had to do; she called to Danielle asking for the computer. Danielle quickly brought it to her, and left her alone.
She called her doctor, telling him this arrangement wasn't working out. She asked him if he could find her a temporary placement until she was better. She knew she would hate it, but she had to do it.
The doctor said finding a place would take no time at all, so she told him she wanted to move immediately. The Doctor cut off the signal saying he would make a few calls and get back to her.
It was only two hours later when the doctor called back; he found a rehabilitation center that had an open bed; Kathryn could check in today if she wanted. He would come right over, help her get her things together and help her check in.
He arrived an hour later, just as Chakotay was coming back to the house feeling much calmer, "Doctor, is there a problem?" Chakotay asked.
"No, I'm just here to help Kathryn move into the rehabilitation center," the doctor replied.
"What are you talking about?" asked Chakotay.
"Oh, I assumed you had discussed this with Kathryn. I see you didn't. Kathryn called me today asking me to find her a placement which I did. I am here to move her there,"' the doctor explained.
"Kathryn isn't going anywhere, her rehabilitation is going just fine. We need to make a few adjustments but they are mine to make, not hers," stated Chakotay.
He then walked past the doctor and straight to Kathryn's room, "Kathryn, please, I'm sorry. Danielle and I are going to be fine."
"Chakotay, it's better for everyone if I leave, and you know it," she stated. "This just isn't working out."
"It's working just fine," he began. "There I's no need for you to go anywhere," he climbed onto the bed, sitting down right next to her, "please stay."
She reached out to trace the lines of his tattoo, "Chakotay, I…"
"Just say you'll stay, that's all I need to hear," he said.
Kathryn sighed, " I'll stay."
He leaned over to kiss her forehead, "I'll go let the doctor know."
=^=
Chakotay caved in and began sleeping bed upstairs. He knew it wasn't fair to Danielle, and that Kathryn didn't really need him downstairs. He tried hard to rationalize his feelings towards Kathryn. He thought he had resolved them all long before meeting Danielle, but he had to admit having her here in the house was bringing back a lot of memories and feelings. Never before had Kathryn needed him so much, and having her now completely relying on him was something he secretly liked. She wasn't the type of woman who wanted someone to wait hand and foot on her, despite the fact that he knew she would have liked it if she just let someone do it.
It was late just a few nights after the incident with the doctor, that Danielle had encouraged Chakotay to go to bed early. Kathryn was in bed reading and reassured them both that she needed nothing else. Chakotay reluctantly made his way upstairs only to find Danielle already in bed, dressed in a quite skimpy negligée.
Chakotay suddenly realized he was neglecting his future wife in more than one way and soon forgot about the woman lying downstairs as he paid a lot more attention to the beautiful woman lying in bed before him.
He stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed, and slowly kissed Danielle with an almost forgotten passion. He had planned to make love to her slowly, but Danielle would have nothing to do with slow, "I want you now, Chakotay," she said getting to her knees, and slowly taking him into her mouth.
Chakotay groaned as her mouth worked over him, "I will never last like that. I think it's your turn."
It was Danielle's turn to groan as Chakotay rolled her to her back and dove between her legs. He wasted no time quickly latching onto her sensitive bundle of nerves and working her into a frenzy. He soon had her writhing and moaning in a forceful orgasm that lifted her right off the bed.
"Now, Chakotay, inside me," she demanded.
He smiled as he moved onto her, planning on doing what she just ordered. He placed his hard member at his entrance and planned on diving right in, but a loud crash from downstairs interrupted them.
Chakotay didn't think, he just got up and ran, knowing the sound came from Kathryn's room. He was right, he opened the door to find Kathryn lying on the floor, and the lamp from the table next to her. "Kathryn, are you ok?" he asked frantically.
She moaned, "I think so," she said, trying to get up.
"What were you trying to do?" he asked, moving to her to check her over.
"Well," she began with hesitation, "I had to…"
"You had to what?" he interrupted.
"I had to go to the bathroom," she stated.
He lifted her off the floor, carefully. "Why didn't you call me?"
"Well, it was obvious what was going on upstairs and I wasn't about to interrupt."
Chakotay put his head in his hands. "Oh, you could hear that? I'm so sorry."
"You're sorry? I think I'm the one who should be sorry for interrupting," she said slightly embarrassed. "I should have said something before you went upstairs, but I couldn't bring myself to do it."
Once he was sure she was okay, he moved to pick up the lamp finding that it too wasn't broken. "I knew it was a bad idea," he muttered.
"Chakotay, no. Making love to your future wife is not a bad idea. Me being here is. I knew something like this would happen; it’s the main reason I thought I should leave."
He moved onto the bed, "Kathryn, please listen to me, because I will not have this argument again. You being here is not a bad idea; I want you here and I will not hear one more word about it. Danielle and I will be fine," he said doing his best to reassure her, and himself.
"Chakotay… I think it would be best if you leave," said Kathryn, trying to change the subject. She had suddenly become aware of Chakotay's state of undress.
"Kathryn…" he began.
"Chakotay, do you realize that you are completely naked?" she said with an amused tone.
Chakotay looked down and let out a chuckle, "I guess I was in too much of a hurry to throw any clothes on."
"Really, Chakotay, maybe I should fall out of bed more often. What would Danielle think?" she laughed.
"Yes, Chakotay, what should I think? You are sitting in bed naked with your ex-lover," Danielle chimed in. "Kathryn, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, and despite the wonderful view, maybe you could take Adonis back to bed with you."
Danielle laughed then reached for Chakotay's hand, "Come on nature boy, lets get you back to bed."
Chakotay finally moved to get off the bed, "All right. Goodnight, Kathryn."
"Oh, Chakotay, wait," she yelled after him. "The reason for this whole disaster still exists."
Chakotay looked at her puzzled then suddenly he remembered' He moved back over to her and picked her up, "Yes, that could get messy and I'm not sure I want to clean that up."
Kathryn wrapped her arms around him and held on. To tell the truth his nakedness did not bother her at all, but she didn't think Danielle would appreciate it too much. She didn't notice reaction to their comfort but just assumed Danielle wasn't happy, but wouldn't say.
Kathryn wasn't far off. Danielle went back to the bedroom to wait for Chakotay, the mood now broken. She didn't mind; she knew Kathryn didn't do it on purpose, but had to admit to a bit of jealousy now and then. She should have expected it; these two people had shared more in the eight years together than others experience in a lifetime.
What bothered her the most was the fact that she felt Kathryn and Chakotay were made for each other. If the two of them weren't so stubborn, they probably could have made a relationship work. She didn't want to follow that train of thought too long; she loved Chakotay and didn't want to give him up.
Kathryn's recovery was going well, and it wouldn't be long before she should be back on her feet with a little bit of help. Although Danielle didn't regret helping out in her time of need, she couldn't wait for her to move out so she and Chakotay could move on with their lives together.
=^=
Kathryn slowly made her way to the kitchen; using the crutches were awkward, but at least provided her with independent mobility. She would take the crutches over being carried anyday; three months of it was getting to be a bit much.
She stood in the doorway watching Chakotay chop the vegetables he was going to use for dinner, "Could you use any help?"
"I'm just fine, Kathryn, besides I'd like to keep my kitchen intact," he joked.
She slowly made her way over to him, and took the knife from his hands, "I can chop a vegetable just as well as you can mister."
"Yeah, I'm sure you can. Just make sure it's the vegetables you're chopping and not any body parts," he laughed, moving on to the other ingredients for the casserole he was making.
Danielle was due home from work shortly, but both seemed oblivious to that fact. They continued to joke back and forth, enjoying the time alone. Chakotay was whipping up a cheese sauce and making quite a mess. After the final complaint from Kathryn over the splatters now covering her; he dipped his finger in the sauce and smeared it on her face.
"Now you have to clean that off," she demanded.
"Oh, you think so?" he laughed. "I need a camera, you look great."
"Don't you dare," she said playfully hitting him on the arm.
"Here, I'll get that off," he said before grabbing her and licking the trail of cheese off of her face. He stopped just before he reached her mouth, then without thinking further latched onto her mouth.
Kathryn pulled back at first then fell into the kiss, relishing in the feelings he was triggering in her. It had been so long since they last kissed, and man did he have a wonderful mouth. His tongue dipped in, dueling with hers, quickly remembering the taste of her.
Her hands let go of the crutches and now held onto his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her securely against him. He finally broke free but didn't let go, "Oh, boy."
"Oh, boy, is right," came a voice from behind them.
Kathryn pulled away slightly, desperately reaching for her crutches. She didn't want to look up and face Danielle. Chakotay finally got them and handed them to her, now letting her go.
"Danielle, it's not how it looks. We were just goofing around," Chakotay tried to explain, well aware how feeble the excuse sounded.
"Goofing around?" yelled Danielle. "Just how much goofing around like this has gone on?"
Kathryn righted herself. "Nothing like this has happened before and it wont happen again. I can walk quite nicely and I think it's time for me to go home." She was trying to move out of the kitchen, but Danielle was in her way, stopping her.
Chakotay called after her, "Kathryn, you aren't ready to go yet.
Danielle, I'm sorry. Kathryn is right, it won't happen again."
"Look, Chakotay, I see it; you two just don't. I guess I've always seen it, but I let my feelings for you blind me. You two love each other; you are meant for each other," said Danielle sadly.
"I won't deny that I love him, Danielle, but we just can't make it work. I'll leave. I'm fine. Then the two of you can go back to the relationship you had before I interfered."
Kathryn tried to once again move beyond Danielle, but Danielle reached to stop her. Kathryn jerked away and completely losing her footing and falling to the floor, hitting her head on the counter. She reached out for anything she could then completely blacked out.
She woke up several hours later in a hospital room, Chakotay sitting in a chair next to her, "Hey, how do you feel?"
"I've felt better," she moaned. "What happened?"
"You don't remember? We were … arguing when you lost your footing and fell. Danielle feels awful, she feels it's her fault," said Chakotay.
"I remember the arguing, and, oh god, the kiss. Chakotay, why did we do that?" she cried.
"Danielle is leaving. In fact, as soon as she found out you would be okay she went back home to pack," Chakotay explained.
Kathryn couldn't believe it, "Chakotay, what are you doing here? You have to go stop her, please."
"No, Kathryn, she's right. I know I love you, deep down in my soul. I love her, but it's not the same. We would have never lasted, probably been divorced within a couple of years. It's unfair to do this to her, but better now than later on when it would have hurt her more," said Chakotay.
Kathryn turned away momentarily, then looked back at him, "What are we supposed to do? It didn't work between us last time, what makes you think it would work now?"
"We both know what we have to lose if it doesn’t. We can make it work if we both try. I am willing, are you?" he said, leaning in close to her.
A smile began to creep out, the one that Chakotay loved so much, crooked off the side of her mouth, "I think I'd like to try, too."
=^=
She wasn't sure what to do; she hadn't been back to this city since they split up, and hadn't planned on coming back. But here she was, standing in a park and there he was just a few feet away. Maybe she could just sneak away, he probably didn't even see her, and she sure wasn't ready to see him.
"Danielle, is that you?" called Chakotay.
She closed her eyes and sighed; when they split up it had broken her heart. Oh, she had played the brave one giving up and leaving quietly, but she had put her all into that relationship and never expected to slowly be pushed out by his ex.
She finally turned to face him, "Chakotay, it's good to see you. How have you been?"
"I've been good, keeping busy," he said. "How about you?"
"Oh, I've done a bit of traveling. This is the first I've been back here in a year."
"Really? I wondered why I never saw you after you left. I've missed you, I had hoped we could remain friends," said Chakotay.
"Chakotay, I'm sorry, but there was no way that could have happened. It still hurts…" she looked away, afraid she had already said too much.
Chakotay reached out for her, " I truly am sorry, Danielle. It was never my intention to hurt you, really."
"I know, Chakotay, I know. So did it work out between you and Kathryn?" she finally asked, curiosity killing her.
"Yes, it's been wonderful. We were married six months ago, and we're expecting our first child in another five months," he said with a smile. "She's here in the park if you would like to see her."
Danielle shook her head, "No, at least not right now. This already is a bit much for me."
"I am sorry…" he began.
"No, Chakotay, quit apologizing. I know this is how it it's supposed to be for you and Kathryn. I don't have to like it."
"I understand," he said.
"Maybe some other time. Listen, I have to go."
Chakotay watched her walk away, he still felt bad about what happened but wouldn't change any of it. He was a richer person because of his involvement with Danielle, and he and Kathryn were stronger for it.
He saw his wife walking up to join him; her belly just beginning to grow round with the child she carried. He couldn't have asked for more, he had his wife, who was still his best friend and a baby on the way, his life was more than complete.